Romans 8:28

This morning on my way into work I was flipping through the channels and came across a sermon of the church we used to attend. My mom had told me a day earlier they were talking about adoption so I thought it may have been a series and decided to listen to the message. The preacher was talking about how we have sin in the world and because of that is why certain things go wrong in our life. At the time of these situations, we don't "understand" or "get it" but once it is all said and done we know exactly why it happened.

In the message it talked about a man having a heart attack and a close friend asked if he liked his heart attack, if he would have another, if he would recommend it to a friend. After every question the man so "NO, absolutely not". Then another series of questions were asked. After your heart attack how has your relationship with your wife changed, have you become closer, do you have a new sense of life, do you hold your granddaughter tighter every time you hold her? He soon realized this heart attack was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

At the end of the message he gave a bible verse (Romans 8:28) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. This message is exactly what I needed to hear to get me through these struggles.

In the last few week we have been down on ourselves wondering "why" this is happening to us. "Why" did it take so long to find the right country? "Why are we hitting all the bumps in the road?. "Why are financially unable to adopt a child? "Why" does it feel like everyone is telling us to give up on our dream? Now I feel even worse for doubting God's plan for us. If we stop doubting Him, keep praying, don't give up, and have faith...we will get through this and our second love will come home to us.

Frustrating, Discouraging, Depressing News

So things have started running a bit smoother for us since we have switched social workers (even though we have yet to meet with her). We have been in contact with the program coordinator at least a couple times during the week and she has helped us on what is to happen next. A few days ago we got an email from the agency stating that our old social worker "misplaced" some of our documents and we need to have them redone. It's nothing major, but it's just the point that she can't do anything right. The documents missing are one of our reference letters and our special needs checklist. Thank goodness the letter was able to be resent and we have been working on our checklist...hopefully for the last time. Once all of the documents are submitted our homestudy will finally be sent our way...that is after we send them $7900.

So after clearing up that mess, Justin thought it was time to officially apply for the adoption loan. He has spoke with the bank on several occasions since starting the new adoption and they went over what requirements had to be meet and the loan terms. He said everything looked good and to go ahead and apply. This adoption loan is a five year loan that you pay at least an interest payment each month. The loan has to be paid in full at the end of five years so you have to make additional payments throughout the loan or more each month. The way it is suppose to be is that you pay the interest each month and then give them your tax return each year...at least your adoption tax credit amount. This worked out perfectly for us. If we continued to get back as much as we have for the past three years the loan payment would be paid off in time. Perfect, we are well on our way to our baby...right?

So yesterday Justin prints off the official application. There weren't many questions on the application and the loan officer acted like everyone gets approved. Yay for us! After filling out the form, Justin sends over our application and calls to make sure the information came across clearly. He said everything looked fine and he would give him a call later on in the day. A few hours later, Justin recieved a call back from there office saying that we had been denied. Justin said that feeling was just like the day when the doctor told him he was infertile. He couldn't breath and had no idea how to break the news to me. He wanted to wait until he got home from work, but I had called him shortly after the news and I could tell something was wrong. I just kind of froze...I couldn't move. So much has been going on lately that I couldn't even cry...no more tears to shed. I can litterally see a baby's picture a few feet in front of me and can almost touch them but instead someone is beating me down with a baseball bat and the pain is unbearable. How can this be happening to us again? How does something that feels so right, seem so far awaay?

We don't even know what to do at this point. Do we still apply for the grants and pray that we get one? Will it even matter...where will the rest of the funds come from? Do we drop out once again and let our dreams of having another child come crashing down? I just don't get it...what have we done to deserve this?

Homestudy completed...and GREAT news!

Today we recieved word that our homestudy has been completed...yay! However, they are not going to send it to us until October 6, so that "hopefully" we won't have to update it before it expires. We have the go ahead to file for our I-600 but have to wait for the grants:( At least it has been completed and we can move onto the next step.

So for the GREAT news...our social worker also informed us that her and her family are moving and she will no longer be our social worker....YIPEE!!!!! No other news could have made our day...well except winning the lottery or a referral...lol. We hope to hear from our new social worker within the next few weeks. Please pray that this social worker will actaully communicate with us and help us throughout the rest of our journey.

Communication...or the lack of

So on June 29th, our social worker sent us an email stating that our homestudy was nearly finished and would be sent to Grand Rapids in the next day or two. Actually the email was asking for when certain documents were completed even though she had the originals (with completed date) in hand but whatever. So in order for us to file for any grants or to start our I-600 we need our completed homestudy. After 2 1/2 weeks of not hearing from our agency we sent an email to our social worker to get an update. (We used email since she does not work in the office and does not have a direct phone to get in contact with).

As of this morning we still have not heard back from them, so Justin emailed her again and the program cordinator. This person apologized for not getting with us sooner but didn't recall the email (it actually wasn't sent to her originally...just wanted her to know what was going on now). In her email back to us she said that our homestudy was still being edited and should be sent to be approved shortly. WHAT????? Almost 3 weeks ago our social worker said it was already edited and would be sent in 1-2 days. I am SOOOOO sick to my stomach about this whole process right now I can't even think straight. We are getting ready to send them $9k...you would think they would have there act together. I know this process isn't easy but do you think we could catch a break somewhere.

This whole communication thing is not working. It seems like no one knows what is going on or what to expect next. The time lines keep changing and the Cathwel yahoo chat group just scares the crap out of us. I know it is a new country for this agency and they are trying to convert everything over, but seriously. Then to make matters worse they match us with a social worker that "works from home". How can you do that line of work from home. UGGHHHHH! If I didn't so badly want another child and a sibling for Lydia I would through my hands up right now and be done with all of this. Why does this have to be so hard?

Operation Smile

The other night we were getting ready to head out the door to go for a walk. It started to get a little cloudy and dark so I ran back in to check the weather channel. When I turned on the tv, I came across a show about cleft lip/palate surgeries. I watched it for a few minutes, and when I noticed a small Asian boy with a cleft lip I was hooked. It is a program called Operation Smile. They are an organization that travels around the world helping children with this need free of charge. The episode I caught was actaully filmed in Vietnam...how crazy was that? As I sat and watched the show I cried, smiled, and became a little bit more at peace knowing that someday I may have a child with this need.

When I got to work this morning I looked up the website to see how we could sponser a child. The first thing I noticed was the section headed "What We Do" and under that heading it talked about their next mission. On July 20-24, 2009 the Operation Smile team will be in Hanoi, Vietnam performing these surgeries. By donating $240 you can help provide a child with a surgery to change their life forever. Do you have a little extra money to spare?

www.operationsmile.org

Taiwan Dossier

Today we FINALLY recieved the requirements for the Taiwan dossier. There isn't much paperwork needed so we probably won't start on it until early September. We did learn a bit more about Taiwan and there program though. We are allowed to pick either gender(however, we are open to either)and the child could be anywhere between 6-18 months in age at time of referral. They are estimating the time frame at this point to be 10-24 months for a healthy infant. It varies in lenght since the birthmothers participate in the selection of a family. If adopting an older child, waiting child, or child with special needs it will be less than 10-24 months. We should expect to travel 4-6 months after referral and will be in country for 4-7 days. If we are able to, we will stay in Taiwan for a few extra days (depending when we will be placed the the child) so that we can attach to the child as much as possible before returning home.

If we recieve the referral of a healthy infant, Cathwel will send us the child's medical and social history and a document entitled Adoption Placement Agreement. One thing that I found odd was that they don't send a picture of the child until after you have accepted the referral. I believe any child that is matched with us was meant to be our child, but not seeing there precious face before we agree to adopt could be hard. If a family is matched with a child with a special need however, a picture will be sent with the medical information. Once we arrive in Taiwan, we will be taken to the Jonah House Orphanage to pick up our child. Oh, what a day that will be.

Adoption Training

This morning we drove up to Indy for our first adoption training meeting. The topic was how to parent/raise a transracial child. As we entered the door we were greated by the agency staff and were given a few worksheets to look over. These exercises were similar to the ones we completed during our first adoption but it never gets any easier. The paper had six scenarios asking how we would react to each of the following situations. I think it is great to be given these examples and to think of how we would respond. However, the more I am given one of these worksheets the more I wonder am I responding the correct way. I never feel like these questions I have are getting answered. What is the right response? Am I responding to this situation to the best of my ability? Am I hurting my child when I confront this person? Am I hurting the person to made the remark? Should I care if I hurt that person? After all, we are only trying to protect our children. That's the kind of class I want to attend.

We also watched several short clips of about transracial adoption and got to hear what these children are faced with as they grow up. It broke my heart hearing some of these stories, and knowing that Lydia and her brother or sister will be faced with them one day to. How do people say the things they say? These children have already been through so much already. They have been ripped from the only home they have ever known. They met new people that look, talk, and smell different from them. They have to adapt to new parents, a new home, food, and the language barrier. These children are so precious...just let them live a happy life without feeling anything less than "normal".

We also learned about how important it is to have transracial friends not only for our children but for us as well. I thought we had a good start since most of our friends have Asian children and then the playgroup we created for adopted children. I never new how important it was for us to have adult Asian friends. It would help us to communicate with someone who has been through some of these situations before and for our children to see an adult that has overcome some of the issues with adoption.

It was also mentioned that we should live in a transracial community...not were we are living now. We have been discussing moving to a more diverse city, I just don't know what city that would be. We looked into moving to Louisville or possibly near Indy but I don't think the schools are much more diverse than the ones in our area. We have thought about sending them to a private school, but how will we ever be able to afford that. We still have a couple of years before Lydia starts school. Hopefully everything will come together by then.