This is getting so hard

So for the past four days we have called DC at 8:30 each morning, only to hear the words "P3 has not been returned, and the VI has not been scheduled". Hearing those words first thing each morning is so difficult, but still we make the call thinking today just might be THE DAY!

Yesterday I took it really hard. I just knew it was going to be the day. I woke up almost relieved...not anxious, not sick to my stomach like the days before. I checked my email, facebook and then the Holt boards...no updates. I began ironing a few things to put in our suitcase, with the thought these bags would soon be out of my babys room and on a plane. Then I called Justin at 8:28 telling him to get ready to make the call.

Just a few minutes later the phone rang. I was hesitant to answer...thinking was this the day??? I could tell in his voice there was nothing new to report. I just sat down on the couch and cried. I'm crying know just thinking about how badly I want this part of the journey to be over. To be heading on a plane, to meet my baby boy, to finally hold him in my arms and never let go.

The rest of the day didn't get any easier. Everytime I loggeed onto the computer, looked at my phone, or any random picture of his sweet face around the house...I just broke down in tears. I tried to get out of the house, but that only lasted about an hour. Every song on K-Love that day made me cry. Every time somebody would ask "any news"... I cried. When I looked at my beautiful daughter, who was looking back at me wondering why I was so sad...I cried.

When I put Lydia down for a nap, I crashed on the couch. I was emotionally drained at this point. Nearly two hours later we both woke up. What was the first thing I did...checked email, facebook and the boards. Why? I don't know just to get me worked up again I guess. I just want some kind of news...anything. I'm sooo ready to meet my baby...my little boy who will be one in 11 days. I don't want to miss his birthday. I feel like I have missed so much of his precious little life already...why do I have to miss his first birthday as well?

I seriously just need to stop logging on and waiting for something magical to happen. I just need to give up the driver's set and let God lead the way. He already know's when Kai's P3 will be returned. When his VI will be scheduled. When we will get our TC. When we will finally have him in our arms. I just need to give all control to Him. It is so hard!

Please continue to pray for each of us as this journey comes to and end. We pray God is preparing each of our hearts for all of the changes that are about to be made. We pray in His timing our sweet little boy will be ready to travel and we get the call we have longed for. We pray for a safe flight and an unforgettable day where we finally become a family of four...the day we will be complete.