New Social Worker

This morning we meet with our new social worker...she is wonderful. From the moment she walked in the door it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of our chests. She was so easy to talk to, told us about her family and how they prepared for their adoption, talked about Lydia and her adoption, and about grants and fundraising options. It was so relaxed and exactly what we needed to give us the push to continue moving forward.

Funny little story...when Justin went to answer the door Lydia followed right behind him. The social worker said hi and introduced herself and saw Lydia standing behind him and said, "you must be Lydia". Lydia took one look at her and said, where's brother or sister, you not bring them with you"....lol. We had previously told her a lady was coming to the house to tell us about brother/sister. I guess she thought she was bringing him/her as well.

Anyways, she answered many of our questions and if she didn't know the answer she was straight forward with us and told us she didn't know but would find out and let us know. A lot better than just plain out telling us she didn't know or making something up like we have dealt with in the past. We spoke with her about the concerns of the homestudy and the financial end of the adoption. She told us that she has not read the homestudy entirely but has read over it enough to tell us there is nothing to worry about. Hearing this now from two different people has helped. As far as the financial end of things she told us where we can find grants and told us to apply for everyone we came across. She also gave us some really good ideas for some fundraising projects.

As far as the grants, we asked what she thought our chances were of getting one. She said that like many loan/credit card companies, they look at your debt to income ratio...which is the reason we have been denied for everything under the sun. Since our debt to income ratio is so high, she told us to write in the comment sections of WHY we have so much debt so that they can understand our situation a little better. By seeing that much of our debt (credit card) is previous/current adoption expenses, school loans, and infertility treatments it looks a lot better than seeing debt for a third car, boat, second house...etc. We pray that we will get one or more of these grants so that some of this financial stress can be lifted.

We also spoke more about time frames and what to expect in the coming months. The main contact person over the Taiwan program spoke with her last night and wanted all of the Taiwan families to prepare for 2 years and if it happens sooner...congratulations. However, this is the quote for a healthy child under the age of 1. Since we are open to a boy up to the age of 2 with a special need it could be sooner. It's just one of those things you never know. We also decided that we wanted to be put on the waiting child list and she presented us with a case today of a little boy from Taiwan that is just over a year old. His needs have not fully been diagnosed and Justin is worried about some of the long term affects. When she showed us his picture my heart just melted, but we need to look more closely at the need and see if he is the right choice for our family.

Another thing we found interesting is that in our homestudy approval letter it stated that our time starts when the homestudy is completed. We found this odd since we were told it doesn't start until the dossier is submitted. If what the paper read is correct we have actually been officialy waiting since July 23. That would be a nice change of pace if that were true:)

Homestudy Approval Letter

This afternoon we recieved our approval letter from the adoption agency stating that our homestudy has been completed. From what I understand it has been completed for awhile now, but since we can't send in our dossier until November they have held it so that the homestudy would have a later date on it incase we have to renew it. The next step is for us to send the first set of fees. This is one of the struggles we have had this far into the adoption. We believe that we have this portion covered and are praying that we will recieve grants for the next set of fees. We have a meeting with our new social worker on Friday mainly just to get to know her better and for her to meet us in person. Since she is also an adoptive mother (who recieved a grant) she is going to help us to figure out which grants to apply for and hopefully she can tell us what she thinks our chances are of recieving help.

Justin and I have also become a little nervous about what the homestudy says regarding some of the issues we discussed with our first social worker. As you already know we have had some issues with our first social worker (lack of contact, misplaced documents, telling us documents weren't needed only to be most important) and since she is new to Bethany and the program is new we were concerned with the wording. Since we can not read the homestudy before sending the fees it made us a bit nervous so Justin called the program cordinator this afternoon to get a sense of ease about the situation. She told us that they have read over the homestudy several times and there is not one negative thing written in it.

During the converstation, she also mentioned that we were the first family to start the process and we will be the first family to complete the process. I am not sure exactly what this means. I do remember when we started this process, she told us we were the first family in Indiana to apply to Bethany for the Taiwan program. However, I don't see how we will (or how they know we will) complete the process first. Do they mean complete the dossier first, get a referral first, travel first, complete the adoption first? I don't know.

I believe our homestudy has been completed before others (not 100% it was first) but since we can't complete our dossier until November I don't see how we can complete the process first. Other's we know have been working on their dossier for awhile now and should be completed before November. Leaving me to wonder if they are just telling us this to make us happy. Also, how do they know we will finish first if we are chosen by a birthmother or caregiver? I know I am reading more into this than I need to, but I feel like we are being thrown through another loop.

I hope after we meet with our new social worker on Friday we will have a better understanding of what is going on and that she has some positive and encouraging news to give us.

Romans 8:28

This morning on my way into work I was flipping through the channels and came across a sermon of the church we used to attend. My mom had told me a day earlier they were talking about adoption so I thought it may have been a series and decided to listen to the message. The preacher was talking about how we have sin in the world and because of that is why certain things go wrong in our life. At the time of these situations, we don't "understand" or "get it" but once it is all said and done we know exactly why it happened.

In the message it talked about a man having a heart attack and a close friend asked if he liked his heart attack, if he would have another, if he would recommend it to a friend. After every question the man so "NO, absolutely not". Then another series of questions were asked. After your heart attack how has your relationship with your wife changed, have you become closer, do you have a new sense of life, do you hold your granddaughter tighter every time you hold her? He soon realized this heart attack was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

At the end of the message he gave a bible verse (Romans 8:28) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. This message is exactly what I needed to hear to get me through these struggles.

In the last few week we have been down on ourselves wondering "why" this is happening to us. "Why" did it take so long to find the right country? "Why are we hitting all the bumps in the road?. "Why are financially unable to adopt a child? "Why" does it feel like everyone is telling us to give up on our dream? Now I feel even worse for doubting God's plan for us. If we stop doubting Him, keep praying, don't give up, and have faith...we will get through this and our second love will come home to us.

Frustrating, Discouraging, Depressing News

So things have started running a bit smoother for us since we have switched social workers (even though we have yet to meet with her). We have been in contact with the program coordinator at least a couple times during the week and she has helped us on what is to happen next. A few days ago we got an email from the agency stating that our old social worker "misplaced" some of our documents and we need to have them redone. It's nothing major, but it's just the point that she can't do anything right. The documents missing are one of our reference letters and our special needs checklist. Thank goodness the letter was able to be resent and we have been working on our checklist...hopefully for the last time. Once all of the documents are submitted our homestudy will finally be sent our way...that is after we send them $7900.

So after clearing up that mess, Justin thought it was time to officially apply for the adoption loan. He has spoke with the bank on several occasions since starting the new adoption and they went over what requirements had to be meet and the loan terms. He said everything looked good and to go ahead and apply. This adoption loan is a five year loan that you pay at least an interest payment each month. The loan has to be paid in full at the end of five years so you have to make additional payments throughout the loan or more each month. The way it is suppose to be is that you pay the interest each month and then give them your tax return each year...at least your adoption tax credit amount. This worked out perfectly for us. If we continued to get back as much as we have for the past three years the loan payment would be paid off in time. Perfect, we are well on our way to our baby...right?

So yesterday Justin prints off the official application. There weren't many questions on the application and the loan officer acted like everyone gets approved. Yay for us! After filling out the form, Justin sends over our application and calls to make sure the information came across clearly. He said everything looked fine and he would give him a call later on in the day. A few hours later, Justin recieved a call back from there office saying that we had been denied. Justin said that feeling was just like the day when the doctor told him he was infertile. He couldn't breath and had no idea how to break the news to me. He wanted to wait until he got home from work, but I had called him shortly after the news and I could tell something was wrong. I just kind of froze...I couldn't move. So much has been going on lately that I couldn't even cry...no more tears to shed. I can litterally see a baby's picture a few feet in front of me and can almost touch them but instead someone is beating me down with a baseball bat and the pain is unbearable. How can this be happening to us again? How does something that feels so right, seem so far awaay?

We don't even know what to do at this point. Do we still apply for the grants and pray that we get one? Will it even matter...where will the rest of the funds come from? Do we drop out once again and let our dreams of having another child come crashing down? I just don't get it...what have we done to deserve this?

Homestudy completed...and GREAT news!

Today we recieved word that our homestudy has been completed...yay! However, they are not going to send it to us until October 6, so that "hopefully" we won't have to update it before it expires. We have the go ahead to file for our I-600 but have to wait for the grants:( At least it has been completed and we can move onto the next step.

So for the GREAT news...our social worker also informed us that her and her family are moving and she will no longer be our social worker....YIPEE!!!!! No other news could have made our day...well except winning the lottery or a referral...lol. We hope to hear from our new social worker within the next few weeks. Please pray that this social worker will actaully communicate with us and help us throughout the rest of our journey.

Communication...or the lack of

So on June 29th, our social worker sent us an email stating that our homestudy was nearly finished and would be sent to Grand Rapids in the next day or two. Actually the email was asking for when certain documents were completed even though she had the originals (with completed date) in hand but whatever. So in order for us to file for any grants or to start our I-600 we need our completed homestudy. After 2 1/2 weeks of not hearing from our agency we sent an email to our social worker to get an update. (We used email since she does not work in the office and does not have a direct phone to get in contact with).

As of this morning we still have not heard back from them, so Justin emailed her again and the program cordinator. This person apologized for not getting with us sooner but didn't recall the email (it actually wasn't sent to her originally...just wanted her to know what was going on now). In her email back to us she said that our homestudy was still being edited and should be sent to be approved shortly. WHAT????? Almost 3 weeks ago our social worker said it was already edited and would be sent in 1-2 days. I am SOOOOO sick to my stomach about this whole process right now I can't even think straight. We are getting ready to send them $9k...you would think they would have there act together. I know this process isn't easy but do you think we could catch a break somewhere.

This whole communication thing is not working. It seems like no one knows what is going on or what to expect next. The time lines keep changing and the Cathwel yahoo chat group just scares the crap out of us. I know it is a new country for this agency and they are trying to convert everything over, but seriously. Then to make matters worse they match us with a social worker that "works from home". How can you do that line of work from home. UGGHHHHH! If I didn't so badly want another child and a sibling for Lydia I would through my hands up right now and be done with all of this. Why does this have to be so hard?

Operation Smile

The other night we were getting ready to head out the door to go for a walk. It started to get a little cloudy and dark so I ran back in to check the weather channel. When I turned on the tv, I came across a show about cleft lip/palate surgeries. I watched it for a few minutes, and when I noticed a small Asian boy with a cleft lip I was hooked. It is a program called Operation Smile. They are an organization that travels around the world helping children with this need free of charge. The episode I caught was actaully filmed in Vietnam...how crazy was that? As I sat and watched the show I cried, smiled, and became a little bit more at peace knowing that someday I may have a child with this need.

When I got to work this morning I looked up the website to see how we could sponser a child. The first thing I noticed was the section headed "What We Do" and under that heading it talked about their next mission. On July 20-24, 2009 the Operation Smile team will be in Hanoi, Vietnam performing these surgeries. By donating $240 you can help provide a child with a surgery to change their life forever. Do you have a little extra money to spare?

www.operationsmile.org