Justin came home from work this evening and let me know that the adoption agency contacted him in regards to a few questions we had and to inform us about the orphange in which the child would be from. Bethany/Shiloh works with Cathwel...don't know how I feel about this. There are a lot of families in this program and have been waiting a while to get their referral. According to another agency we don't meet the criteria for Cathwel...over 30, married 5 years, income. I don't know if it is an agency requirement or an orphange requirement. Our agency hasn't mentioned anything yet...so we will see.
Another bit of information we got is that the birth mother's are involved in picking the adoptive family. I wasn't ready for information like this. One of the reasons we didn't go forward with the domestic adoption is because we had to be picked. In a way I think it is a good thing...but then I get the feeling that we will never get picked. We are young and already have a child from Asian, but once they see our picture are they going to run? I can't write to save my life so our birth mother letter and our profile book is scaring me to death right now. I know I can do it if I really put my mind to it...but will it be good enough?.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Social Worker
Our social worker contacted us today to set up a time for us to meet to go over our homestudy documents so we can get things rolling. We are going to meet on June 2 & 9th in Indianapolis and she will do a home visit on June 16th. We should be receiving a packet of information regarding the 8-10 hours of adoption training that must be completed before our homestudy can be approved. Since this is our second adoption they are waiving the 3 books they ask you to read and the workbook that goes along with it...shew, glad we got out of that one.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Dr's. Appointment
Today Justin and I meet with Lydia's pediatrician to discuss our special needs list that our adoption agency had given us. At this time, we are looking into minor special needs that can be corrected. We researched each need and marked yes to the ones we felt the most comfertable with and then disscussed the rest with the doctor to see what treatment was needed and the long term effects. In a way he was helpful, but then it just got confusing. He kept telling us, "yes, this is nothing serious to worry about. I would accept a child with this need. It could be corrected...if not already corrected and they would live a normal life." Then he would say, "I would be willing to discuss these needs in more detail. Most of them could be a simple fix...unless xxx had happened." He said that about a lot of situations. That's when it started to get confusing.
We know some of the needs we will be willing to take. Then there are a few we would be willing to discuss. However, we don't want a list with a few yes' and a few no's and then 20 willing to discuss. We are afraid that if we do, they will present us with a file that we are not 100% comfertable with and say no...something we don't want to do. Then what if we do say no and are presented with another file that is something similar or a need caused by a head trama or phycological disorder (as our dr. stated). We don't want to keep turning down files and then being pushed out of the program because we are not willing to accept a child.
At this point we are still unsure what we are going to accept or not accept. During our homestudy visit one of our questions is going to be what are the common needs that the children have and go from there.
We know some of the needs we will be willing to take. Then there are a few we would be willing to discuss. However, we don't want a list with a few yes' and a few no's and then 20 willing to discuss. We are afraid that if we do, they will present us with a file that we are not 100% comfertable with and say no...something we don't want to do. Then what if we do say no and are presented with another file that is something similar or a need caused by a head trama or phycological disorder (as our dr. stated). We don't want to keep turning down files and then being pushed out of the program because we are not willing to accept a child.
At this point we are still unsure what we are going to accept or not accept. During our homestudy visit one of our questions is going to be what are the common needs that the children have and go from there.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Accidental Adoption
I found this on another adoptive families blog awhile back and came across it again today. I think it is so funny...and true!
Her: "Honey, sit down. I need to tell you something."
Him: "Sure, Sweetheart. You can tell me anything."
Her: "We're expecting a baby!"
Him: "Honey, how did this happen? I thought we were being so careful."
Her: "Well, I accidentally googled adoption when I tripped and fell on the computer and it pulled up the site of a great adoption agency."
Him: "O.k. We can handle this. It's not so bad."
Her: "Wait, there's more... After I saw the website I sent off for more information."
Him: "And?"
Her: "When it came in the mail, I filled out a seven page application and sent in a few hundred dollars."
Him: "And that's it? I thought it would be harder to adopt."
Her: "It is. After that I cleaned the house for a good two weeks so a social worker could come and inspect our lives. She brought over loads of paperwork that would only fit in an 18ft moving van. She said it was the beginning of the 'paperchase'. But I worked hard and wrote all of the essays, filled out all of the papers. I went to 20 hours of adoption parenting classes. I had to have my fingerprints taken and get state and FBI criminal clearances. I had all the papers notarized, certified, and authenticated in Washington, D.C. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that I took out a second mortgage on the house to pay all of the bills."
Him: "Accidents happen, Sweetheart. I'm just glad that you and the baby are o.k. When should we be expecting our bundle of joy?"
Her: "Sometime in the next year or two."
Her: "Honey, sit down. I need to tell you something."
Him: "Sure, Sweetheart. You can tell me anything."
Her: "We're expecting a baby!"
Him: "Honey, how did this happen? I thought we were being so careful."
Her: "Well, I accidentally googled adoption when I tripped and fell on the computer and it pulled up the site of a great adoption agency."
Him: "O.k. We can handle this. It's not so bad."
Her: "Wait, there's more... After I saw the website I sent off for more information."
Him: "And?"
Her: "When it came in the mail, I filled out a seven page application and sent in a few hundred dollars."
Him: "And that's it? I thought it would be harder to adopt."
Her: "It is. After that I cleaned the house for a good two weeks so a social worker could come and inspect our lives. She brought over loads of paperwork that would only fit in an 18ft moving van. She said it was the beginning of the 'paperchase'. But I worked hard and wrote all of the essays, filled out all of the papers. I went to 20 hours of adoption parenting classes. I had to have my fingerprints taken and get state and FBI criminal clearances. I had all the papers notarized, certified, and authenticated in Washington, D.C. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that I took out a second mortgage on the house to pay all of the bills."
Him: "Accidents happen, Sweetheart. I'm just glad that you and the baby are o.k. When should we be expecting our bundle of joy?"
Her: "Sometime in the next year or two."
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Phone Interview
Today we had our phone interview with the adoption agency. Our coordinator went over basic information and what to expect in the upcoming months. We have been assigned a case worker and can begin working on our homestudy...again. They estimated that it would take 2-3 months to complete the homestudy and then we could begin our dossier which takes another 4-6 months. We are going to try and complete them both as soon as possible. However, we can not officially turn in our dossier until November (which is when we have been married for five years).
They are still estimating 18-24 months for a referral but to be prepared soon (whatever that means). We asked if there was a shorter time frame for boys and she was surprised that we wanted a boy...most people want a girl. She told us she would look into it and let us know. We also asked about their special needs and waiting child program. Justin and I have talked about adopting an older child (up to the age of two) and possibly a child with a minor correctable need. We are going to consult the doctor next week on what needs we feel comfortable being matched with.
So off on the paperchase we go!
They are still estimating 18-24 months for a referral but to be prepared soon (whatever that means). We asked if there was a shorter time frame for boys and she was surprised that we wanted a boy...most people want a girl. She told us she would look into it and let us know. We also asked about their special needs and waiting child program. Justin and I have talked about adopting an older child (up to the age of two) and possibly a child with a minor correctable need. We are going to consult the doctor next week on what needs we feel comfortable being matched with.
So off on the paperchase we go!
Friday, May 8, 2009
Let the journey begin...again
We never knew how difficult it would be to find our second love. From one country to the next, to infertility treatments to domestic, back to international adoption...we believe we have finally found our match.
After the adoption of our first child (Lydia) from Vietnam, we knew that we would one day adopt again. No words can describe how wonderful adoption is or the journey it takes to bring that little one home to their forever family. Having a houseful of children has always been a dream of ours. After learning of our infertility issues, we felt like these dreams were quickly fading away. When we were introduced to international adoption and completed the journey to Vietnam, we knew we would adopt again. Right before Lydia turned two, so in June, we started looking into international adoption once again. We so badly wanted to adopt a sibling from Vietnam but they were closing in just a few short months and time did not allow us to get the needed documents to finish before the deadline. After researching many countries we decided to apply to South Korea. We loved the program, country, the time frame, and age of the child seemed to fit so perfectly. Unfortunately after being accepted on three different levels we ended up having to drop out of the program.
We looked into several other countries but nothing seemed to fit...we were either too young, not married long enough, or the program was too expensive. We started looking into other options such as domestic adoption or infertility treatments. Neither one of us was very keen on the idea of a domestic adoption (even though we believe all children need a loving family) and looked into doing artificial insemination with donor sperm. Since we wanted more Asian children we decided to use an Asian donor...a Vietnamese donor to be more specific. Unfortunately, after two failed attempts (one being on Thanksgiving day and the other on Christmas) and heartache we did not proceed with any further treatment.
At this point we didn't know where to turn. We could just wait it out for Vietnam to reopen, look more into domestic, or just stop all together...but that is easier said than done. We decided to look more into domestic adoption. Our homestudy agency also places children but the wait seemed like forever. They quoted us anywhere between 2 weeks to 3 years...most families being picked were young with no children. Plus we really wanted the whole travel experience so that this next child could have that "special" place just like thier big sister. We went back and forth for months thinking is this what we really want to do.
So back on the international adoption band wagon. Do we try to lose the weight and reapply for Korea or do we look into other countries? Since Korea only accepts applications one time a year we decided to look into Taiwan and Thailand. At the time, both programs were nearly the same...same time frame, money, age of child at referral. When it came down to deciding, we choose to go with the Thailand program. It was close to Vietnam and they would use our existing homestudy that was nearly finished. We submitted our pre-application and were accepted...we were told that it is very hard to get accepted for a healthy infant.
After joining the adoption support group for Thailand and hearing from other PAP we started to worry. They were quoted a 2 year wait and have been waiting for nearly 3 years and still no news. We were told that Thailand was always a slow moving program and since they became hague they were being even more cautious. Again, we didn't know whether to go forward or to keep looking.
A few weeks later we got a call from Bethany Christian Services out of Indianapolis informing us that the Korea program was reopening and wanted to know if we were still interested. Well of course we said yes, but knew what had to be done. They gave us a week to decide if we wanted to go forward. We talked about it every night (we even asked Lydia's opinion and she said , "no want no babies"...I think she is just as tired of us talking about it as we are looking for it). They called back and we discussed our concerns. We were told that they could leave us on the list for six months...giving me time to lose the weight. We still had to pay the upfront fees and if I wasn't below the weight requirement we would be removed from the list and would have lost the money.
We told the social worker this was just something we couldn't do. We don't have the money now...and we don't know how we are going to get the money then, but it is something we so desire. It isn't like we are going off and buying a new house, car, or boat. We want to experience this journey all over...to parent another child...to give a child a loving family and a place to call home.
Just at that moment the social worker asked if we looked into the Taiwan program. We told her the whole story about how we haven't been married long enough and they wouldn't use our homestudy...yada yada yada. She then informed us that they just took over an agency out of Kansas and they were placing healthy infants in 18-24 months but to be financially ready SOON! (The last referral was 2 months old and they waited 9 months). We knew we had to jump at this chance...we knew this had to be our chance to adopt our second child, travel to a new country and experience their culture.
We have spent the last week gathering financial information, writing 15 page autobiographies, and we just sent in our contract. In the coming weeks the agency will conduct a phone interview with us and we can start our homestudy. It feels so good to FINALLY be on a list and starting the journey to our second love.
After the adoption of our first child (Lydia) from Vietnam, we knew that we would one day adopt again. No words can describe how wonderful adoption is or the journey it takes to bring that little one home to their forever family. Having a houseful of children has always been a dream of ours. After learning of our infertility issues, we felt like these dreams were quickly fading away. When we were introduced to international adoption and completed the journey to Vietnam, we knew we would adopt again. Right before Lydia turned two, so in June, we started looking into international adoption once again. We so badly wanted to adopt a sibling from Vietnam but they were closing in just a few short months and time did not allow us to get the needed documents to finish before the deadline. After researching many countries we decided to apply to South Korea. We loved the program, country, the time frame, and age of the child seemed to fit so perfectly. Unfortunately after being accepted on three different levels we ended up having to drop out of the program.
We looked into several other countries but nothing seemed to fit...we were either too young, not married long enough, or the program was too expensive. We started looking into other options such as domestic adoption or infertility treatments. Neither one of us was very keen on the idea of a domestic adoption (even though we believe all children need a loving family) and looked into doing artificial insemination with donor sperm. Since we wanted more Asian children we decided to use an Asian donor...a Vietnamese donor to be more specific. Unfortunately, after two failed attempts (one being on Thanksgiving day and the other on Christmas) and heartache we did not proceed with any further treatment.
At this point we didn't know where to turn. We could just wait it out for Vietnam to reopen, look more into domestic, or just stop all together...but that is easier said than done. We decided to look more into domestic adoption. Our homestudy agency also places children but the wait seemed like forever. They quoted us anywhere between 2 weeks to 3 years...most families being picked were young with no children. Plus we really wanted the whole travel experience so that this next child could have that "special" place just like thier big sister. We went back and forth for months thinking is this what we really want to do.
So back on the international adoption band wagon. Do we try to lose the weight and reapply for Korea or do we look into other countries? Since Korea only accepts applications one time a year we decided to look into Taiwan and Thailand. At the time, both programs were nearly the same...same time frame, money, age of child at referral. When it came down to deciding, we choose to go with the Thailand program. It was close to Vietnam and they would use our existing homestudy that was nearly finished. We submitted our pre-application and were accepted...we were told that it is very hard to get accepted for a healthy infant.
After joining the adoption support group for Thailand and hearing from other PAP we started to worry. They were quoted a 2 year wait and have been waiting for nearly 3 years and still no news. We were told that Thailand was always a slow moving program and since they became hague they were being even more cautious. Again, we didn't know whether to go forward or to keep looking.
A few weeks later we got a call from Bethany Christian Services out of Indianapolis informing us that the Korea program was reopening and wanted to know if we were still interested. Well of course we said yes, but knew what had to be done. They gave us a week to decide if we wanted to go forward. We talked about it every night (we even asked Lydia's opinion and she said , "no want no babies"...I think she is just as tired of us talking about it as we are looking for it). They called back and we discussed our concerns. We were told that they could leave us on the list for six months...giving me time to lose the weight. We still had to pay the upfront fees and if I wasn't below the weight requirement we would be removed from the list and would have lost the money.
We told the social worker this was just something we couldn't do. We don't have the money now...and we don't know how we are going to get the money then, but it is something we so desire. It isn't like we are going off and buying a new house, car, or boat. We want to experience this journey all over...to parent another child...to give a child a loving family and a place to call home.
Just at that moment the social worker asked if we looked into the Taiwan program. We told her the whole story about how we haven't been married long enough and they wouldn't use our homestudy...yada yada yada. She then informed us that they just took over an agency out of Kansas and they were placing healthy infants in 18-24 months but to be financially ready SOON! (The last referral was 2 months old and they waited 9 months). We knew we had to jump at this chance...we knew this had to be our chance to adopt our second child, travel to a new country and experience their culture.
We have spent the last week gathering financial information, writing 15 page autobiographies, and we just sent in our contract. In the coming weeks the agency will conduct a phone interview with us and we can start our homestudy. It feels so good to FINALLY be on a list and starting the journey to our second love.
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