Today we FINALLY recieved the requirements for the Taiwan dossier. There isn't much paperwork needed so we probably won't start on it until early September. We did learn a bit more about Taiwan and there program though. We are allowed to pick either gender(however, we are open to either)and the child could be anywhere between 6-18 months in age at time of referral. They are estimating the time frame at this point to be 10-24 months for a healthy infant. It varies in lenght since the birthmothers participate in the selection of a family. If adopting an older child, waiting child, or child with special needs it will be less than 10-24 months. We should expect to travel 4-6 months after referral and will be in country for 4-7 days. If we are able to, we will stay in Taiwan for a few extra days (depending when we will be placed the the child) so that we can attach to the child as much as possible before returning home.
If we recieve the referral of a healthy infant, Cathwel will send us the child's medical and social history and a document entitled Adoption Placement Agreement. One thing that I found odd was that they don't send a picture of the child until after you have accepted the referral. I believe any child that is matched with us was meant to be our child, but not seeing there precious face before we agree to adopt could be hard. If a family is matched with a child with a special need however, a picture will be sent with the medical information. Once we arrive in Taiwan, we will be taken to the Jonah House Orphanage to pick up our child. Oh, what a day that will be.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Adoption Training
This morning we drove up to Indy for our first adoption training meeting. The topic was how to parent/raise a transracial child. As we entered the door we were greated by the agency staff and were given a few worksheets to look over. These exercises were similar to the ones we completed during our first adoption but it never gets any easier. The paper had six scenarios asking how we would react to each of the following situations. I think it is great to be given these examples and to think of how we would respond. However, the more I am given one of these worksheets the more I wonder am I responding the correct way. I never feel like these questions I have are getting answered. What is the right response? Am I responding to this situation to the best of my ability? Am I hurting my child when I confront this person? Am I hurting the person to made the remark? Should I care if I hurt that person? After all, we are only trying to protect our children. That's the kind of class I want to attend.
We also watched several short clips of about transracial adoption and got to hear what these children are faced with as they grow up. It broke my heart hearing some of these stories, and knowing that Lydia and her brother or sister will be faced with them one day to. How do people say the things they say? These children have already been through so much already. They have been ripped from the only home they have ever known. They met new people that look, talk, and smell different from them. They have to adapt to new parents, a new home, food, and the language barrier. These children are so precious...just let them live a happy life without feeling anything less than "normal".
We also learned about how important it is to have transracial friends not only for our children but for us as well. I thought we had a good start since most of our friends have Asian children and then the playgroup we created for adopted children. I never new how important it was for us to have adult Asian friends. It would help us to communicate with someone who has been through some of these situations before and for our children to see an adult that has overcome some of the issues with adoption.
It was also mentioned that we should live in a transracial community...not were we are living now. We have been discussing moving to a more diverse city, I just don't know what city that would be. We looked into moving to Louisville or possibly near Indy but I don't think the schools are much more diverse than the ones in our area. We have thought about sending them to a private school, but how will we ever be able to afford that. We still have a couple of years before Lydia starts school. Hopefully everything will come together by then.
We also watched several short clips of about transracial adoption and got to hear what these children are faced with as they grow up. It broke my heart hearing some of these stories, and knowing that Lydia and her brother or sister will be faced with them one day to. How do people say the things they say? These children have already been through so much already. They have been ripped from the only home they have ever known. They met new people that look, talk, and smell different from them. They have to adapt to new parents, a new home, food, and the language barrier. These children are so precious...just let them live a happy life without feeling anything less than "normal".
We also learned about how important it is to have transracial friends not only for our children but for us as well. I thought we had a good start since most of our friends have Asian children and then the playgroup we created for adopted children. I never new how important it was for us to have adult Asian friends. It would help us to communicate with someone who has been through some of these situations before and for our children to see an adult that has overcome some of the issues with adoption.
It was also mentioned that we should live in a transracial community...not were we are living now. We have been discussing moving to a more diverse city, I just don't know what city that would be. We looked into moving to Louisville or possibly near Indy but I don't think the schools are much more diverse than the ones in our area. We have thought about sending them to a private school, but how will we ever be able to afford that. We still have a couple of years before Lydia starts school. Hopefully everything will come together by then.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Homestudy Meeting at our House
Tonight we had our last homestudy visit at our house. We have spent the last week painting, organizing, and cleaning. I was actually pretty calm during this interview...the only thing I was a little nervous about is what Lydia might say. She comes up with some of the craziest stories these days. As soon as the social worker arrived, Justin answered the door and Lydia greeted her by saying, "Hi, I Lydia Thu Ha. (She loves using her middle name:) It was the cutest thing and the social worker just smiled and laughed. She then asked if Lydia would give her a tour of the house. Our bedroom is right off the foyer so Lydia pointed into the room and said, "this where mommy sleeps". I guess daddy doesn't??? She then showed her her bedroom (which she loved), followed by the playroom. I think the social workers eyes about popped out of her head when she saw all the toys. Yeah, she is one spoiled child...wall to wall toys. Hey, every child needs a room like that especially when she has so many friends that come over to play with her. Lydia finished giving her the tour of our house and then we answered the remaining of the questions. Lydia just sat on the floor and played and then climbed up on the couch next to us and read a book...she was REALLY a perfect angel.
Within the next few weeks we should have our homstudy completed. The only thing we are waiting on is for both of our medicals to be mailed to the agency and Justin needs to finish the required readings. As soon as everything is turned in she can type up our homestudy and we can begin applying for loans and grants...pray that we get at least one grant and approved for the adoption loan.
We also spoke about the child desired...again. Justin and I are 100% ready to have a second child period. Justin believes that we will get matched with a healthy child much sooner than they are suggesting. I on the other hand feel like it is going to take years, especially since we can't turn in any of our paperwork until November. Think of how many families could get in front of us in the next few months? The social worker thinks that we could get matched in 6-12 months (possibly later) once all of our paperwork is in. So if we turn in everything in November we could possibly be matched the following November, but will still have to wait 3-6 months to travel putting us well into 2011. Really??? Can I wait until 2011 to be placed with another baby?
Our social worker suggested that we go ahead and list some of the minor special needs that we will be willing to accept on our homestudy. She believes that there is a chance that we could get matched with a minor/correctable SN child faster and possibly have them home by the end of next year. We decided to go ahead and list a few that we knew or hopefully know we can handle. We listed minor heart condition, jaundice, malnutrition, club feet, webbed fingers/toes, extra fingers/toes, cleft lip/palate, minor developmental delays, and some male disorders. On both the healthy and SN list we said we were open to a child up to 18 months, preferably as young as possible.
I know I just need to sit back and relax and everything will work out according to God's plan. Our baby will be here before we know it...even if it does seem like forever.
Within the next few weeks we should have our homstudy completed. The only thing we are waiting on is for both of our medicals to be mailed to the agency and Justin needs to finish the required readings. As soon as everything is turned in she can type up our homestudy and we can begin applying for loans and grants...pray that we get at least one grant and approved for the adoption loan.
We also spoke about the child desired...again. Justin and I are 100% ready to have a second child period. Justin believes that we will get matched with a healthy child much sooner than they are suggesting. I on the other hand feel like it is going to take years, especially since we can't turn in any of our paperwork until November. Think of how many families could get in front of us in the next few months? The social worker thinks that we could get matched in 6-12 months (possibly later) once all of our paperwork is in. So if we turn in everything in November we could possibly be matched the following November, but will still have to wait 3-6 months to travel putting us well into 2011. Really??? Can I wait until 2011 to be placed with another baby?
Our social worker suggested that we go ahead and list some of the minor special needs that we will be willing to accept on our homestudy. She believes that there is a chance that we could get matched with a minor/correctable SN child faster and possibly have them home by the end of next year. We decided to go ahead and list a few that we knew or hopefully know we can handle. We listed minor heart condition, jaundice, malnutrition, club feet, webbed fingers/toes, extra fingers/toes, cleft lip/palate, minor developmental delays, and some male disorders. On both the healthy and SN list we said we were open to a child up to 18 months, preferably as young as possible.
I know I just need to sit back and relax and everything will work out according to God's plan. Our baby will be here before we know it...even if it does seem like forever.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Adoption Physicals
A couple of months ago we had our adoption physicals performed for our original homstudy. After switching to the new agency we found out that a few more questions/test had to be run so we scheduled an appointment for this morning. This agency wanted an HIV and urine drug screen...Justin was less than thrilled. Justin just about passes out just by looking at the needle, not even to mention the blood. Every time he gets his blood drawn they have to move him to a reclining chair or bed and get his levels back to normal before they can release him (usually takes another 30 minutes or so after waiting for what seems like forever). So as we are driving to the doctors Justin is already getting worked up and is starting to sweat a little. When we get to the doctors office I went in first and let them ask me questions, gave them a urine sample, and then they drew my blood. Next, Justin's turn. I was prepared. I had a bag full of sweets to help him out. Me and another lady were joking right outside of the lab to see how long it would take to hear a thumb (being Justin hitting the floor), when he walked out of the lab. My first instinct was the nurse wasn't ready or he backed out. Nope, he was done. It didn't even phase him. I was so proud of my big guy...lol.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Required Reading
Our agency requires adoptive families to read 2-3 books that cover issues that may occur before, during or after the adoption is completed. Our social worker suggested that we read "I wish for you a beautiful life". This book really made you sit back and think about the childs birthmother and gain a better understanding of what she must have went through during her pregnancy and while creating an adoption plan. It not only gave us a chance to see how the birthmothers are feeling, but also gave us some insight on how to address questions our children may have about there adoption in the years to come. I only wish that we could of had more information about Lydia's birthmother/family to share this information with her as she gets older.
Another book that was suggested was "Becoming a Family". This book deals with issues on attachment. Since I feel Lydia never seemed to have any major attachment issues (I believe she was so sick in the beginning and when we made her better she bonded to us fairly well and quickly) we choose to read this book in case the child doesn't bond with us. It was also a very good book...however, the first few chapters really scared me. I almost got to the point were I was questioning the adoption and if we could handle some of the situations that arise. I think having one adoption under our belts has helped. As I read through this book, I took notes on how to handle certain situations and know feel more educated on how to address the situation. If anyone wants a little summer reading to do, these two books are a great choice.
Another book that was suggested was "Becoming a Family". This book deals with issues on attachment. Since I feel Lydia never seemed to have any major attachment issues (I believe she was so sick in the beginning and when we made her better she bonded to us fairly well and quickly) we choose to read this book in case the child doesn't bond with us. It was also a very good book...however, the first few chapters really scared me. I almost got to the point were I was questioning the adoption and if we could handle some of the situations that arise. I think having one adoption under our belts has helped. As I read through this book, I took notes on how to handle certain situations and know feel more educated on how to address the situation. If anyone wants a little summer reading to do, these two books are a great choice.
It will all be worth it
Today was such a sad day for daddy...he sold his beloved surround sound speakers. For anyone who doesn't know Justin, those speakers were like his best friend. You could always find him in the living room listening to the radio, playing video games, or watching an old James Bond with those speakers shaking the walls. Even though daddy's speakers will be missed it will all be worth it when our second love comes home to us.
I too have been selling or trying to sell some of my beloved items. I have been collecting Longaberger baskets since I was a little girl and have decided that I would much rather sell them to make some extra money to see another child running around this little house. I am sure that day to will be a sad day. Like I said before, it will all be worth it. Just in the last two months we have already saved and sold items to total $3000. We still have a ways to go but heading in the right direction.
I too have been selling or trying to sell some of my beloved items. I have been collecting Longaberger baskets since I was a little girl and have decided that I would much rather sell them to make some extra money to see another child running around this little house. I am sure that day to will be a sad day. Like I said before, it will all be worth it. Just in the last two months we have already saved and sold items to total $3000. We still have a ways to go but heading in the right direction.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Second Homestudy Meeting
This evening we had our second homestudy meeting. This time around was much better than the first:) No traffic jams, no terrential down pours, wind or hail, and the butterflies have nearly ended. We spoke with our social worker for a little over an hour about our relationship with family members again (mainly just seeing if we have spoken with them about why we feel they are so disconnected this time around), our marriage, parenting styles, etc. The marriage question is always the hardest for me. As we all know I am not the most talkative outgoing person you have ever been around...so you can see how this made me a little uncomfertable. She asked the questions "what attracted you to your spouse", "when did you know you had fallen in love", "how did you know he was the one", "what is the best/worst thing about your marriage"? I don't know, read what I said in the last homestudy or in my 15 page autobiography you are holding. Don't get me wrong, I love Justin and he is a great husband and terrific father...I just don't know how to express it in words in front of a stranger.
So anyways after we managed to get through all of that we discussed more about the child in which we are hoping to adopt. Justin is still a bit scared about adopting a child with special needs and is thinking of just putting on the homestudy that we are only open to healthy infants. I on the other hand feel so deeply about all of these babies and older children and want to give them there forever family as well. If it is just a minor need that can be corected I think we should be open to that child. The social worker told us to discuss it a bit more and to come to a joint decision about it. She also told us to do what is best for our family but to think about how it could affect Lydia. With Lydia being such an active, outgoing child with such a bright personality it may be a bit more difficult to have a child with a specail need. It could possibly hold Lydia back from doing what she wants to do or hurt the child with the need in not being able to participate.
As we were sitting in the office she had just recieved an email with more information about the program. Cathwel is telling all of the agencies to expect a wait of 2 years but things could and have been happening a sooner (referrals have been given to families that have waited between 5-10 months for the past year:) They are expecting the wait for healthy and minor/correctable special needs to be the same. So she said that if we wrote in our homestudy that we would accept a child with additional fingers/toes, club feet, etc. to put that in there and we would still wait the same amount of time...doesn't really make since to me. Are there just as many healthy children as children with sn? The children that they refer out weekely are severe special needs or older children. At this time I don't think we will accept any of those emails...knowing me I will say yes to all.
So far I am happy with the agency and how things are going. The only down fall I have is the gap between the old agency and the new one. Bethany bought out Shiloh and they are still coverting everything over and our office is still trying to gather information. So when we ask a question about Taiwan it usually has to go through 2-3 different people and then back to us. Usually after they have "finally" answered our question we have another that goes along with it...kind of frustrating but we will work through it. Next meeting is on Tuesday at the house...better get cleaning...lol:)
So anyways after we managed to get through all of that we discussed more about the child in which we are hoping to adopt. Justin is still a bit scared about adopting a child with special needs and is thinking of just putting on the homestudy that we are only open to healthy infants. I on the other hand feel so deeply about all of these babies and older children and want to give them there forever family as well. If it is just a minor need that can be corected I think we should be open to that child. The social worker told us to discuss it a bit more and to come to a joint decision about it. She also told us to do what is best for our family but to think about how it could affect Lydia. With Lydia being such an active, outgoing child with such a bright personality it may be a bit more difficult to have a child with a specail need. It could possibly hold Lydia back from doing what she wants to do or hurt the child with the need in not being able to participate.
As we were sitting in the office she had just recieved an email with more information about the program. Cathwel is telling all of the agencies to expect a wait of 2 years but things could and have been happening a sooner (referrals have been given to families that have waited between 5-10 months for the past year:) They are expecting the wait for healthy and minor/correctable special needs to be the same. So she said that if we wrote in our homestudy that we would accept a child with additional fingers/toes, club feet, etc. to put that in there and we would still wait the same amount of time...doesn't really make since to me. Are there just as many healthy children as children with sn? The children that they refer out weekely are severe special needs or older children. At this time I don't think we will accept any of those emails...knowing me I will say yes to all.
So far I am happy with the agency and how things are going. The only down fall I have is the gap between the old agency and the new one. Bethany bought out Shiloh and they are still coverting everything over and our office is still trying to gather information. So when we ask a question about Taiwan it usually has to go through 2-3 different people and then back to us. Usually after they have "finally" answered our question we have another that goes along with it...kind of frustrating but we will work through it. Next meeting is on Tuesday at the house...better get cleaning...lol:)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
First Homestudy meeting
As nervous as could be, Justin and I headed to Indianapolis late this afternoon for our first homestudy meeting. Even though we have been through this process once before we were still unsure of what this agency would ask/say and how well we would connect with our new social worker. So off we go with butterflies in our belly. As we turned onto the "circle" around Indianapolis it started to sprinkle. About ten miles down the road and five minutes from the agency our drive came to a complete stop. We planned for extra time which was good, but weren't expecting the type of weather we were about to encounter. Torrential down pours, gusty winds of at least 60 mph causing a tree limb to fall within feet of the truck, and dime-nickel size hail. The hail was hitting the truck so hard I thought the windshield was going to crack. We finally made it to our exit (or what we thought was our exit) only to find that the streets were flooded. Cars and trucks were up to there tires in water. All we could do was laugh...really what could we do.
We finally made our way through the traffic and flooded streets to the adoption agency...with a few minutes to spare. Our social worker on the other hand did not. She was about 30 minutes late due to the weather, traffic, and power outages. Besides all of that our meeting went fairly well. She seems really nice and our personalities match. We discussed basic information on why we choose adoption as a way to build our family, how Lydia's adoption went and how she is doing now. We talked about our childhood and our relationships with our parents then and now. That one was really difficult for us. With Lydia's adoption almost everyone "seemed" to be on board. The ones that made negative comments couldn't live without her and the other's just don't come around. For this adoption, no one has really given us their blessing or congratulations. It is really hard for us not knowing if our family is on board with us adopting another child.
I don't know if they think we aren't ready to parent another child, if we aren't financially ready to take on more debt, or exactly what the whole issue is. Everyone just seems to be so involved with my sister and her baby. I don't blame them...we are about to have a "baby" in the family and I couldn't be happier for them, but we need support and encouragement through this process as well. I know they don't fully understand and aren't as educated as we are but they need to see that we can't go through this alone. Anyways, hopefully things will get better as we get farther along in our process and that they actually see that this time it is going to work...pray!
Back to the homestudy, some things have changed since we originally talked to them. We were to do 8-10 hours of training on the Internet (Taiwan is not Hague, but they are wanting us to do everything to Hague standards in case it changes in the middle)and that was it. Our social worker wants us to read two book on attachment and about the birth mothers. I think both of them are great books and will help us out once the child is home. We also have to attend to educational meetings at our agency sometime within the next year. They also mentioned that since this is a new program to the agency they are considering calling it a pilot program which is were each of the fees are reduced. This would help us out tremendously so keep your fingers crossed it gets passed.
We found out a bit more about the country and how they do things (it is still kind of hard to get a direct answer since they just opened the program and they are getting questions from us and then going back to the old agency and then answering our question). The birth mother does pick the family unless it is a waiting child. The waiting child or special needs program is a bit different to. They will send out an email with all of the children available to all of the families in the program. If you are open to a child of that age or with that specific need you send them back an email letting them know you are interested in that child. After a 24 hour period they take all the entries and give more information and a referral to family that said yes that has been waiting the longest. In a way I think it is good, but then again it's going to be hard to see pictures of all of these children thinking could this be the one.
We meet with our social worker again next Tuesday and then she will be doing our home visit following that visit. Keep us, our baby, and his/her birth parents in your prayers.
We finally made our way through the traffic and flooded streets to the adoption agency...with a few minutes to spare. Our social worker on the other hand did not. She was about 30 minutes late due to the weather, traffic, and power outages. Besides all of that our meeting went fairly well. She seems really nice and our personalities match. We discussed basic information on why we choose adoption as a way to build our family, how Lydia's adoption went and how she is doing now. We talked about our childhood and our relationships with our parents then and now. That one was really difficult for us. With Lydia's adoption almost everyone "seemed" to be on board. The ones that made negative comments couldn't live without her and the other's just don't come around. For this adoption, no one has really given us their blessing or congratulations. It is really hard for us not knowing if our family is on board with us adopting another child.
I don't know if they think we aren't ready to parent another child, if we aren't financially ready to take on more debt, or exactly what the whole issue is. Everyone just seems to be so involved with my sister and her baby. I don't blame them...we are about to have a "baby" in the family and I couldn't be happier for them, but we need support and encouragement through this process as well. I know they don't fully understand and aren't as educated as we are but they need to see that we can't go through this alone. Anyways, hopefully things will get better as we get farther along in our process and that they actually see that this time it is going to work...pray!
Back to the homestudy, some things have changed since we originally talked to them. We were to do 8-10 hours of training on the Internet (Taiwan is not Hague, but they are wanting us to do everything to Hague standards in case it changes in the middle)and that was it. Our social worker wants us to read two book on attachment and about the birth mothers. I think both of them are great books and will help us out once the child is home. We also have to attend to educational meetings at our agency sometime within the next year. They also mentioned that since this is a new program to the agency they are considering calling it a pilot program which is were each of the fees are reduced. This would help us out tremendously so keep your fingers crossed it gets passed.
We found out a bit more about the country and how they do things (it is still kind of hard to get a direct answer since they just opened the program and they are getting questions from us and then going back to the old agency and then answering our question). The birth mother does pick the family unless it is a waiting child. The waiting child or special needs program is a bit different to. They will send out an email with all of the children available to all of the families in the program. If you are open to a child of that age or with that specific need you send them back an email letting them know you are interested in that child. After a 24 hour period they take all the entries and give more information and a referral to family that said yes that has been waiting the longest. In a way I think it is good, but then again it's going to be hard to see pictures of all of these children thinking could this be the one.
We meet with our social worker again next Tuesday and then she will be doing our home visit following that visit. Keep us, our baby, and his/her birth parents in your prayers.
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