Options

UPDATE: The only reason we would be doing any of this is because "we will have another child". No matter what it takes, this child will be coming home. It is just temporary. If we sold the truck and moved back to the apartment for a year or two (or until our child is home) we would financially able to buy another home...a home that fits our growing family, in a more diverse area, with a school system where our kids will not only learn but be accepted and have children of a similar background. We aren't just going to jump into any of this. These are just "options" so that our children can have the best future possible. We spoke with our agency before all of this and they believe that as long as our "new home" was presentable they don't see a huge deal with it. The only thing they are worried about still is the positive net worth. As far as a boy, their is no law that states a boy and a girl can not share the same room. Our agency said as long as they weren't together for a long period of time they see nothing wrong with it. We still have not completely said no to this idea, we are just trying to figure out the best thing for our family and our second child.

So Justin and I have done more thinking this weekend about how to raise money for our adoption and how to pay off previous debt. Some of our fundraising ideas sound great, but once we think about how much money we will have to put into it to supply food-activities-prizes...we aren't making much of a profit. We also contacted All About Kids to see about setting up a day to help raise funds but they told us that was for an employee and was a one time thing (even though then they stated it was going to be an annual event) and to talk to management...never got a call back:( Most of the grants we are wanting to apply for want a letter of reference from your church and since we aren't members of a small group within our church they can only say we are members and not actually give a reference. All of this just makes me wonder if we will get any assistance and have to come up with the remaining money on our own.

Other options we were thinking about is selling our tractor, Justin's truck, and our house. None of these options would be easy, but would save us money each month and help to pay down debt. If we were to sell the truck we could get rid of that payment and with the profit pay off one credit card, saving us nearly $450 per month:) If we sell our house and get what it appraises for (even though we have lost money in the last year) and move back into an apartment, we could pay off our other credit card and save another $300 per month:) This would leave us with only the upcoming adoption expenses, our van payment, and the remainder of my school loans.

By moving back to the apartment we would be saving almost $750 a month and would be within minutes of work and Lydia's school. This makes it easier if we only had one vehicle. We would be able to pay off other debt in the next year or so, actually get out of the house we are living in now (not that the house is bad), but I am tired of the drive and the pantsless neighbor:( It would also give us the opportunity to do "extra" things with the Lydia (and our second child) like sporting activities, movies, and playdates. We could even see a family vacation in our future and possibly visiting the kids birth countries again when they are older and helping them pay there way through school.

The down fall is that we would no longer have a yard for Lydia to play. We couldn't go outside and just sit on our back porch and enjoy some fresh air. Lydia wouldn't have the interaction with neighborhood children like she would have if we stayed in our house. As far as the adoption goes, we would have to change some of our paperwork and possibly delaying our process. We would also have to redo part of our photo book for the birthmother, and then their is the question of will she still pick us considering our living situation? Will a birthmother even be choosing us since we will possibly be getting matched with a special needs child?

Every one is just quick to judge when the situation comes up. You guys need a house. Lydia needs a yard. You need to vehicles. Yes, all of that is true. But what if it comes down to we don't have the money? Do we just drop out and say forget it? I just want to be prepared and possibly have a little extra money at the end of the month, instead of wondering how we are going to make that payment.

I so badly just want to sit back and just have faith that this is all going to work out, but it is so hard. I want to bring my next child home and know that we are going to be ok with the decisions that we have made.

Yard Sale

The yard sale was a huge success! We made just over $750 and have a few items left that we are going to put on ebay/craigslist. It was hard to let some of the items go (especially some of Lydia's baby toys and little outfits), but it is all worth it.

We are planning a few more fund-raising ideas, but if you have anything in mind that we can do to raise a few bucks send your ideas our way. As of right now we are thinking of doing a bunco/bingo party with prizes that will hopefully be donated. A baby bottle fund...we will send a baby bottle to our family and friends trying to collect anything from change to whatever they have to spare. One of the local gymnastics centers (as well as Texas Roadhouse) has a day were you can play/eat and a percentage of the proceeds will go towards our adoption.

In other news...we received our official homestudy on Saturday. Justin is sending one of the copies up to Indianapolis today for the I-600A so that we can get
our fingerprints and complete the dossier. We are still so far away, but every little step helps:)

You can turn a little bit of this...


into a whole lot of this!

Update...

Have I mentioned before how amazing our new social worker is:) Within an hour of her leaving our house last Friday, she emailed us with at least half of the answers to some questions we had. She informed us that the paper stated incorrectly and that the wait starts when the dossier is turned in (which we originally were told), if we choose a waiting child or get matched with a child with special needs our fees can/will be reduced, and some other information regarding grants.

Also, after many days of talking, thinking, and praying about the little boy's file we were presented with last week, we decided that at this time we would not be able to proceed. Some of his needs could have been more serious than we are willing to take at this point and honestly we just do not have another $10,000 lying around to give them for referral. It was so hard to say no to but I know that his family is out there waiting for him.

Speaking of money, we are doing one of our fund-raising ideas this weekend. Nothing huge, just a yard sale of all the "extra" things lying around the house. We have decided to go through the mounds of clothing and toys we have in the house and only keep what really fits and gets played with the most. We are also going through all of the baby items we have and see what we can get out of them. Since almost everything is for a girl (and we have a strong feeling that our next child will be a boy) we are going to sale as much as we can and then once our child is home buy for him/her age appropriate toys and clothing. I am also putting all of my longaberger baskets and boyds bears in there too. It's a little sad to see them go, but I would much rather see another child running around the house than those baskets collecting dust:)

Well off to pack up the van for the sale tomorrow...wish us luck!

New Social Worker

This morning we meet with our new social worker...she is wonderful. From the moment she walked in the door it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of our chests. She was so easy to talk to, told us about her family and how they prepared for their adoption, talked about Lydia and her adoption, and about grants and fundraising options. It was so relaxed and exactly what we needed to give us the push to continue moving forward.

Funny little story...when Justin went to answer the door Lydia followed right behind him. The social worker said hi and introduced herself and saw Lydia standing behind him and said, "you must be Lydia". Lydia took one look at her and said, where's brother or sister, you not bring them with you"....lol. We had previously told her a lady was coming to the house to tell us about brother/sister. I guess she thought she was bringing him/her as well.

Anyways, she answered many of our questions and if she didn't know the answer she was straight forward with us and told us she didn't know but would find out and let us know. A lot better than just plain out telling us she didn't know or making something up like we have dealt with in the past. We spoke with her about the concerns of the homestudy and the financial end of the adoption. She told us that she has not read the homestudy entirely but has read over it enough to tell us there is nothing to worry about. Hearing this now from two different people has helped. As far as the financial end of things she told us where we can find grants and told us to apply for everyone we came across. She also gave us some really good ideas for some fundraising projects.

As far as the grants, we asked what she thought our chances were of getting one. She said that like many loan/credit card companies, they look at your debt to income ratio...which is the reason we have been denied for everything under the sun. Since our debt to income ratio is so high, she told us to write in the comment sections of WHY we have so much debt so that they can understand our situation a little better. By seeing that much of our debt (credit card) is previous/current adoption expenses, school loans, and infertility treatments it looks a lot better than seeing debt for a third car, boat, second house...etc. We pray that we will get one or more of these grants so that some of this financial stress can be lifted.

We also spoke more about time frames and what to expect in the coming months. The main contact person over the Taiwan program spoke with her last night and wanted all of the Taiwan families to prepare for 2 years and if it happens sooner...congratulations. However, this is the quote for a healthy child under the age of 1. Since we are open to a boy up to the age of 2 with a special need it could be sooner. It's just one of those things you never know. We also decided that we wanted to be put on the waiting child list and she presented us with a case today of a little boy from Taiwan that is just over a year old. His needs have not fully been diagnosed and Justin is worried about some of the long term affects. When she showed us his picture my heart just melted, but we need to look more closely at the need and see if he is the right choice for our family.

Another thing we found interesting is that in our homestudy approval letter it stated that our time starts when the homestudy is completed. We found this odd since we were told it doesn't start until the dossier is submitted. If what the paper read is correct we have actually been officialy waiting since July 23. That would be a nice change of pace if that were true:)

Homestudy Approval Letter

This afternoon we recieved our approval letter from the adoption agency stating that our homestudy has been completed. From what I understand it has been completed for awhile now, but since we can't send in our dossier until November they have held it so that the homestudy would have a later date on it incase we have to renew it. The next step is for us to send the first set of fees. This is one of the struggles we have had this far into the adoption. We believe that we have this portion covered and are praying that we will recieve grants for the next set of fees. We have a meeting with our new social worker on Friday mainly just to get to know her better and for her to meet us in person. Since she is also an adoptive mother (who recieved a grant) she is going to help us to figure out which grants to apply for and hopefully she can tell us what she thinks our chances are of recieving help.

Justin and I have also become a little nervous about what the homestudy says regarding some of the issues we discussed with our first social worker. As you already know we have had some issues with our first social worker (lack of contact, misplaced documents, telling us documents weren't needed only to be most important) and since she is new to Bethany and the program is new we were concerned with the wording. Since we can not read the homestudy before sending the fees it made us a bit nervous so Justin called the program cordinator this afternoon to get a sense of ease about the situation. She told us that they have read over the homestudy several times and there is not one negative thing written in it.

During the converstation, she also mentioned that we were the first family to start the process and we will be the first family to complete the process. I am not sure exactly what this means. I do remember when we started this process, she told us we were the first family in Indiana to apply to Bethany for the Taiwan program. However, I don't see how we will (or how they know we will) complete the process first. Do they mean complete the dossier first, get a referral first, travel first, complete the adoption first? I don't know.

I believe our homestudy has been completed before others (not 100% it was first) but since we can't complete our dossier until November I don't see how we can complete the process first. Other's we know have been working on their dossier for awhile now and should be completed before November. Leaving me to wonder if they are just telling us this to make us happy. Also, how do they know we will finish first if we are chosen by a birthmother or caregiver? I know I am reading more into this than I need to, but I feel like we are being thrown through another loop.

I hope after we meet with our new social worker on Friday we will have a better understanding of what is going on and that she has some positive and encouraging news to give us.